14 January 2008

Helpful Hints

Here are a few little things I have learned.

*All of the colored pencils don't have to have the pointy side up when you return them to the box. It saves time to just stick them all in the box pell-mell, because munchkin 1 will be emptying the box within the next five minutes anyway.

* If you want to say a bad word, but small ears surround you and you don't want them to be burning, food names are always a good substitute. I like, Crumbcakes, Fishsticks, Applesauce, and bunch of bananas. Crumbcakes is an especial favorite, because it comes out so easily instead of crap, which word I disapprove heartily (out of principle) but seems always ready to roll off of my naughty, disobedient tongue.

* If you notice that munchkin 1 wastes a lot of Cheerios by not eating the whole bowl you poured for her, it will not fix the problem to give her a smaller bowl. She will just tell you she is done, so you will dump the small amount down the drain. Then she will demand another bowl since, apparently, she wasn't actually done yet. She is too young to punish for this deception, so you will magnanimously pour her another bowl. She will barely touch that bowl, and you will throw away approximately the same amount of cereal. This is all very scientifically accurate and includes mathematically precise calculations.

* If munchkin 1 screams for no good reason all morning, it will not help to lock yourself in the spare bedroom. She will continue to scream for no good reason until you come out and let her watch Anne of Avonlea. Movies are the opiate of the children.

* If you feel sad because your kitchen looks like munchkin land, it helps to sing, "I've been dreaming of my kitchen gleaming," to the tune of that song from Enchanted.

*Typing to the dulcet peace of appeased munchkins with one hand is preferable to typing with both hands to the caterwauling of two irate, irascible 18-month-olds.

*"Dulcet peace" actually means that while you are holding one child and typing with one hand, the other child is emptying his sippy cup on the coffee table behind you. Better quit blogging!

I hope these help.


msjvd said...

"an especial favorite..."

"which word I disapprove heartily..."

"the dulcet peace of appeased munchkins..."

"...the caterwauling of two irate, irascible 18-month-olds."

Have we had one cup of (herbal)tea too many today?

Jen said...

In the immortal words of Black Stache, "Nobody knows how hard it is to be captain."

Dansie Family said...

i love your alternate naughty word choices. i will have to try them out. i have caught porter following my example of using naughty words when he doesn't even understand why they are being said. what a bad mom i am.

Jess said...

*smiles* I enjoyed reading these ;D (Oh, and I found your blog through a comment you made on Shannon Hale's blog... ;)

Brittany said...

I love it. I learned a lot. I especially like the hint about the kitchen.