The above picture illustrates how we often find Grace when we come to wake her up or tuck her in at night. Should I risk waking her from her nap to tuck her in? How can I really know she has gone to sleep when she talks to herself for half an hour to forty-five minutes before I think she goes down? What if her poor little tootsies shrivel up from overexposure to dry Southern Utah air? (Okay, now I'm preg-o-paranoid.) We tuck her in at night, but is it worth the trouble to do this when she naps? These are my burning questions.
Some other burning questions I have are:
Why is it suddenly so popular to have a baby if you are a celebrity? Didn't they procreate in the 80s and 90s? Why are we only hearing about it now? There must be a whole closeted generation of 10- to 20-year-old celebrity spawn in a remote colony somewhere outside LA.
Why don't we all eat dessert first? We always wish we had room. That way, we could take the bowl by the horns and make sure.
What is the fascination with two-year-old boys and squishing orange slices with their bare hands on the coffee table when I so benevolently allow them to eat in the front room?
How can I get Alex to quit stealing the covers from me all night?
Who was the little boy Alex saw walking around in circles in his sleep the other night? And why did he find the little boy to be so amusing?
Where do all of the pens and pencils go? (The ones that really disappear, not the ones I find under the couch cushions periodically.)
Why do I use so many parentheses? (Was I parenthetically deprived as an adolescent? Is this one of those things you can blame on the parent of your choice after paying a shrink lots of money?)
When is my unborn child going to make his appearance? I am having too many contractions to feel at ease concerning this. I want him to come as soon as he is ready, but not one millisecond before. Can someone please just make sure that happens?
Is there a secret language that only children can read that is emblazoned upon all hard-surface furniture proclaiming "Draw on me! Quick, while the grown-ups are distracted by [The Office! or insert the blog, dishes, dirty kitchen floor, putting on makeup, or bathroom cleaning]."
Speaking of said secret language, I'd better go attend to the small children.