21 February 2008

Burning Questions

The above picture illustrates how we often find Grace when we come to wake her up or tuck her in at night. Should I risk waking her from her nap to tuck her in? How can I really know she has gone to sleep when she talks to herself for half an hour to forty-five minutes before I think she goes down? What if her poor little tootsies shrivel up from overexposure to dry Southern Utah air? (Okay, now I'm preg-o-paranoid.) We tuck her in at night, but is it worth the trouble to do this when she naps? These are my burning questions.

Some other burning questions I have are:

Why is it suddenly so popular to have a baby if you are a celebrity? Didn't they procreate in the 80s and 90s? Why are we only hearing about it now? There must be a whole closeted generation of 10- to 20-year-old celebrity spawn in a remote colony somewhere outside LA.

Why don't we all eat dessert first? We always wish we had room. That way, we could take the bowl by the horns and make sure.

What is the fascination with two-year-old boys and squishing orange slices with their bare hands on the coffee table when I so benevolently allow them to eat in the front room?

How can I get Alex to quit stealing the covers from me all night?

Who was the little boy Alex saw walking around in circles in his sleep the other night? And why did he find the little boy to be so amusing?

Where do all of the pens and pencils go? (The ones that really disappear, not the ones I find under the couch cushions periodically.)

Why do I use so many parentheses? (Was I parenthetically deprived as an adolescent? Is this one of those things you can blame on the parent of your choice after paying a shrink lots of money?)

When is my unborn child going to make his appearance? I am having too many contractions to feel at ease concerning this. I want him to come as soon as he is ready, but not one millisecond before. Can someone please just make sure that happens?

Is there a secret language that only children can read that is emblazoned upon all hard-surface furniture proclaiming "Draw on me! Quick, while the grown-ups are distracted by [The Office! or insert the blog, dishes, dirty kitchen floor, putting on makeup, or bathroom cleaning]."

Speaking of said secret language, I'd better go attend to the small children.


Melissa said...

You have A LOT of questions today... and unfortunately, I don't think I can answer any of them because I have a lot of the same questions!
I will tell you my policy on sleeping kids... DON'T EVER WAKE THEM! My kids would wake up if I tried to tuck them in or move them after they had fallen asleep. I would throw another blanket on her and call it good!

Connie said...

Dear Jenny, /a few things you should know while you are pregnant. 1. It is OK for Alex to have the covers because you don't need them anyway.2. It is OK for Grace to sleep on the floor or where ever she chooses because she will grow up feeling free and able to make her own decisions and she will not have a bad back.3. Do not ever try to cook anything while pregnant because it rarely turns out. 4. Henry will make his appearance on the very day that he should and not a second before. 5. Yes, dear, there is an unseen entity in every home that takes socks, pencils, paper, paperclips, lists, and time. It also takes all the toiletpaper off the roll and doesn't replace it and it leaves trash under the beds. It encourages children--who are the only ones who can see it--to draw on the walls and tear up and mess up the house for your amusement. It is just a natural thing--nothing you can do about it except follow it around everyday and set everything right. However, do not be surprised if you go to bed with the house in order and wake up with it in a mess. The entity is noctunal. Love, Mom

Jill said...

All of your pens and pencils are in my son's room. And in my living room couch. And in our toybox. And under the seat in our car.

May I FedEx them to you?

Leisha said...

I get a list of these same questions late at night... Particularly the celebrity baby one...why is is suddenly so popular. I admit I check the Celebrity Baby Blog often.

P.S. that picture is SO cute...

amy said...

I think i must have also suffered adolescent parenthetical deprivation (had you already noticed?).

The Rookie said...

I chock up the (over?) use of parentheses (of which I am a huge fan) to female genetic biology. Something about that whole child-rearing whilst (I love the Super Nanny's use of the word "whilst") gathering berries and conducting home responsibilities primed us for an innate talent in circular thinking and multi-tasking. Which, in turn, leads us to tangential thought processes as well as the ability to maintain multiple conversations at once.

And my students took your pens and promptly lost them again. They take everyone's pens.

Kimber said...

I feel an instant bond with you (because I use parenthesis All-the-Time).

The picture reminds me of my daughter (now 14) and her crazy sleeping habits. Talk, talk, talk for at least 45 minutes, take off all her clothes and strip the bed down to the mattress. At night we would re-dress her and make the bed before tucking her in. Naptime . . . I just needed an hour or two of peace so I didn't touch her.

I have no answers to the questions, just more questions. But I love Connie's response! Sounds like she is speaking from experience.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting. That is my sons room. Crazy huh! We figured we better not complain about the hobby. It is better than girls, computer games, magazines, drugs, etc. We'll take the hotwheels!

Lynsey Lou knee deep in poo said...

I think were ever they fall asleep for nap is fine with me my two year old has fallen asleep in the dirty clothes basket in my closet and I did let her stay there. what ever gets me a few minutes of peace. I think these () are a pregancy thing I am prego and have to have a few in every post.

Queen Elizabeth said...

You are funny. The end.

Dansie Family said...

i do eat dessert first, often.