20 August 2008

More Bad Poetry, etc.

I have a special treat for all my bloggy (and real) friends today. I have plumbed the depths of my file cabinet and found a book of my poetry from high school. So without further ado, I give you:


I like to eat a lot of food.
It always fits my hungry mood.
It cheers me up when I am sad,
and comforts me when I feel bad.
People call me a tub of lard,
but All-You-Can-Eat places have my card.
I gorge. I gobble. I eat and eat.
In a pie-eating contest, I can't be beat.
I'm a prisoner of my appetite.
Hostage to my every bite.
I feel like such a corpulent pig;
My belly swells enormous and big.
Below the fat, my feet disappear;
the mirror reveals my growing rear.
Will I ever find release?
Will my hunger ever cease?
Probably not. Pass the cheese.

(or corn, as the case may be.)

This is a significant post for me, so in honor of my being a compulsive blogger I'm having a giveaway. I'm just doing a drawing this time, so you don't have to have mad movie-line skills or mystical birth-date guessing karma. Leave a comment and I will send the winner her (or his, it could happen) choice between a batch of homemade granola, a dozen coconut chocolate chip cookies, or a king-size (the real "fun size") of his or her favorite candy bar.

By the way, now that I look at the labels for this contest, I think someone should sponsor a bad poetry contest. I would be all over that. Actually, if you leave a bad poem in the comments, and Alex deigns it to be worthy, you will get an extra entry in the drawing. He has a lot of free time to judge bad poetry now that he is unemployed.


Jess said...

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Your bad poetry killed me dead,
And I hope this one does it to you!

That's my best (or worst) effort. :o) Love the bad poetry entries by the way. And especially the applicable pictures of your darling daughter!

Jessi said...

All I can say is "AMEN"!!

Claire said...

Haha! You're a great poet! You could be the next Shel Silverstein! It's quite entertaining! I wish I could have written like that in Mrs. Roberts class, but I'm a terrible poet. Genuinely uncreative.

andy and sammi said...

I have been trying to get an invitation to you guys for a while and I have no idea where you live!?

Angie Lewis said...

That was pretty funny...I enjoyed it thoroughly (and would love to win your contest too)!

msjvd said...

Was that Iambic? I think not!

Granola. Good, fast, almost out of it from the last time.

betsey said...

Yummy! I want granola or coconut chocolate chip cookies! Those both sound delicious. I will compose a poem to increase my chances here!

There once was a girl named Jen
who was very good writing with pen.
she liked to eat ice cream
and only rarely was mean
When her kids made her run around like a hen

Or how about this one

There once was a boy named Alex
who liked to eat food that was tex-mex
but the foods on his plate
could never join or mate
If they did he would destroy them like T-rex.

Yes, I know. I am very talented.

Hey It's Di said...

That was really a great poem and I relate to ever single word! How fitting is it that you give away food for this post? I say COOL:)

Hey It's Di said...

And pass me that cheese when you are done with it!

SpecialK said...

Jen, I have to say that I've never been one for poetry. Not many poems make sense to me. But your's is priceless! It made me chuckle.

I like cookies, I like cake
What comes free I will gladly take.
Granola that is homemade I haven't tried.
And candy bars are good for you as long as they aren't deeply fried.

The Rookie said...

It is official. I am now hungry. And those cookies sound right tasty about now. Enter me in this drawing of yours! ;)

Ah-hem...and now...

(a really, really bad poem about my really bad poetry...and other unimportant musings)

I just don't have the heart
for my bad poetry today.
You see, school's about to start
and summer will not stay.
I will spend my precious time
ankle-deep in adolescents.
Makes me want to shout 'n' whine
while I prepare my lessons.
So, if you please, dear Jen,
send some cookies on my way.
I will eat them all, and then,
deny all knowledge of what I weigh.

The End. Amen.

Jon & Bridget said...

You know what is funny... while I was reading that I almost remember you reading it in English in high school! :)