31 October 2008

Macabre Thoughts for the Holiday

It was a dark and (not) stormy night. Our heroine read the novel for adults written by the teenage vampire romance author at the kitchen table while eating chocolate—when it happened. She read her grammar pet peeve of the month and the hair on the back of her neck stood up. "Different than. . ." she read, and she had to re-read it three times in her mind "different from" before she could be comfortable again. The heroine would have had trouble sleeping that night if her children hadn't taxed her to the maxed her that day.

In other news, the heroine found out she was going to be a grandmother because Grace pointed to her calf and said, "I having a baby." She realized that apparently any bodily part that is shaped like a bump is fair game for prenatal storage. She hoped that her friends and loved ones would check their bumps to make sure they didn't feel any strange things that might be unknown unborn children kicking or pushing.

The heroine wondered what grammar naughtiness peeved everyone else, or what bumps in the night kept them wide awake too late?


msjvd said...

I, like don't have any like problems with anything that anyone like inserts into their grammar. Like... what are you like talking about? And as for Grace, I thought she was, like perfect?

But I was like wondering about this one:

hadn't taxed her to the maxed her

amy said...

prenatal storage...heehee. you do have a way with words.

these aren't exactly grammatical errors (though there are plenty of those that get my goat) but i will tell you what makes my hair stand on end and then FALL OFF:

two words. excetera and asterix.


Lori said...

When I moved to Utah everyone kept telling me that they won someone. We won them. That makes me want to throw up all over them.
When is Grace's due date? Maybe she's an alien's host.

angela michelle said...

my biggest grammatical peeve is when you hear them on the radio and on tv. grrr! didn't they hire an editor?

Angie said...

Being an incorrect-grammar correcter myself, I can relate. I HATE when people say "pitcher" but mean "picture." I HATE when my Cache Valley aunts share a story and say, "So then I says .... " So Utah!

The Yoder's Three said...

Ohhh, have you spent much time in Cedar City? Love the place, but I worked at a salon that was mainly populated by hillbillies, and it was "we was" and "he was" and "she was" all over the place. It made me insane. Do people not realize how ignorant that makes them sound?!?

The Yoder's Three said...

OK, so "he was" and "she was" isn't bad grammar. Ha, ha! now I sound ignorant(actually I'm just really tired). But seriously, I can still hear some of those ladies sitting there yakking away all day, doing nails and sounding like they came straight out of the backwoods.

Hey It's Di said...

I'm an accountant and not so great with my grammar BUT I hate it when people say "anyways". What's up with that?

So THAT is what all those bumps are all over my body! I am expecting a lot of babies!! TOO many to count with all these large bumps covering my body. I blamed them on fat. Silly me!!

Jesse said...

Jen, I can't wait until Grace points at someone you know and love and says "Pregnant Mommy!"

It's gonna be good. Let me know how that goes :)