08 June 2009

Star Trek Season 1, Abridged

Alex has been watching the first season of Star Trek on Netflix, and I have hesitantly watched a few with him. These are our impressions.

Captain Kirk: "Hello, I'm Captain Kirk. My mind is impenetrably strong due to the fact that I am a man. No mad scientists can crack me no matter what their devious machinations might be."

Weak yet Stunningly Beautiful Female: "Hello, I am a weak yet stunningly beautiful female with sexy legs in black nylons that go all the way up and a hairdo that takes at least three hours and a relativistic heavy ion-collider to achieve. I will succumb to Captain Kirk's inexplicable charisma no matter how immune his impenetrably strong male might might be to my striking beauty."

Doctor McCoy: "It's Ensign Johnson, Jim. . . he's. . . DEAD!"

Captain: "Whoops, did my shirt get torn off again? I guess I'll just have to defeat the evil scientist without it." (does monkey roll behind furniture)

Weak Female: "Oh Captain!"

Captain: "My mind, it is becoming penetrated by evil aphrodisiowaves. Must resist." (looks stern. kisses female, but not of his own will)

Weak Female: "Oh Captain!"

Captain saves day through sheer 60's awesomeness.

Spock: "If I had emotions, I would be glad that I have arrived just after you saved the day all by yourself with no help from anyone else, Captain."

Captain: "You're a good chum, Spock."

Spock: raises eyebrow whilst wondering to himself: Is he wearing a girdle?

Weak female: "Oh Captain!"

Captain: "Please take weak female to sick bay. I think she has some super-dense quark gluon plasma stuck in her beehive."

Spock: "Yes, Captain."

Captain: "Warp Factor 1, Mr. Sulu."


miss marie said...

sigh. honestly! you are a good and loving wife!!!

msjvd said...

Jenn, I think this will put it all in perspective for you:


You're going to watch ALL the episodes, aren't you? And the movies?

That will lay the groundwork for you to understand the life altering wonder of STAR TREK:TNG.

And then maybe some day we can talk... about Star Trek, 2009. :)

The Yoder's Three said...

Hahahahahhahahaaaa!!! Oh, my. Mark was just watching the first few Star Trek movies, and he ended up fast-forwarding through a lot of parts because they were so unbelievably cheesy. I do not have the stomach to sit through them at all.

I've never understood why polyester uni-jumpers were the clothes of choice out in space, either. I guess to free up more time for hair and makeup routines, which presumably take hours every morning.

Maybe that's why Capt. Jean-Luc Picard was able to save the franchise. Raw, bald manliness. No green face paint, prosthetic ears, or forehead ridges required.

The Rookie said...

I am laughing hysterically at this particular moment in time.

Seriously, Jen, one day we simply MUST hang out.

Brittany said...

You are hilarious!

Holly said...

I haven't seen this latest thriller yet, but my Mom said, "funny how after all these years Hollywood still loves a good fistfight." I had to be educated how there are no weapons because Star Trek is too "advanced".

myimaginaryblog said...

I've only seen the original Star Trek from watching reruns of it a few times as a kid, but I think you got it EXACTLY right.