13 August 2009

Rowena Diets


I have hit "the wall." The wall is the weight at which your body reaches stasis induced bliss and refuses to lose any more weight, even if you magnificently hike the subway in your sheer awesomeness. While I sit on the wall, I am thinking of creative diet ideas. Here are a few:


The jeans diet. I took my pair of next size down jeans to the gym with me today so I could look at them longingly and push myself harder doing the half-moon crane crazy pilates-yoga class. It helped a lot.


The alphabet diet. I haven't tried this one yet, but it would involve eating only food that starts with A on the first day, B on the second ... you get the idea. Q and Z will be power fasts, I suppose.


The good novel diet. Check out ten of your favorite novels and whenever you want to eat between meals just read instead. My problem is that I snack while reading, so this might not be my best option. Also, my family might starve because sometimes I can't put a good book down, and all else just sort of falls into the background.

The celebrity diet. This involves printing pictures of Gwyneth Paltrow and Audrey Hepburn and hanging them everywhere, particularly on the fridge and mirrors. The pictures need to be in high relief, emphasizing the hollow cheekbones and other anorexic features. Then I will fall into deep despair, and I can never eat when I'm in the depths of despair. I guess this could also be called the Anne of Green Gables diet.

Actually, instead of diet today, I think I will make a magical special surprise treat whose recipe will not be revealed until after the Peach Days Recipe Contest.

Do you have any good diet ideas that don't involve eating less or exercising more? Whenever I ask someone how they lost their weight lately, "Eat less. Exercise more." Blah! Gimme a crazy gimmick, people!

13 comments:

Marie Loves Ben said...

that picture makes me hate gwenyth. and hate is wrong.
funny, i am much like a weight mesa myself. this is disturbing to me, so i have decided to give up and just subsist on glazed donuts. come what may!

msjvd said...

Interesting choice of celebrity. Gwyneth Paltrow has her own website, called "GOOP: Nourish the Inner Aspect." On it, she writes discourses on everyday living that include a Valentine's Day repast she made for her husband, Chris Martin, lead singer of ColdPlay.
Here's the menu:

Fried Oysters with Curried Crème Fraîche
Roasted Poussins
(aka chickens)and Potatoes
Steamed Artichokes with Cheat’s Aioli
Molten Chocolate Cakes

Strangely, I don't believe any of those items were on the menu, last time we supped together.

Jesse said...

Go to South America and drink lots of water, wait a few weeks to a few months, and once the desired weight is attained, go to the doctor and have the worm removed. It's worked on many people. Don't ask about side effects...

Melissa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melissa said...

well may i suggest running. you don't have to exercise more just run. run about 5 days a week for about a half hour or as long as you can until you get to 30 mins, but i'm sure you will see results soon enough! you will lose inches as well as weight! good luck!

The Rookie said...

Have you heard of the Keto diet? Google it. Supposedly a few days on it and it re-sets your metabolism and you lose a great deal of weight when you hit a plateau (or that is what a trainer at the gym I like to call "Devil Woman" said). You can have FAT (which meant that I soaked ranch dressing in through my pores while I could) and protein and vegetables, just NO carbs (okay, maybe 20 grams of carbs a day). You have to do it to a T or it doesn't work and you'll gain weight. If you'd like, I could email you the meal plan.

Jen said...

Melissa, thanks for the suggestion. I have switched one of my exercises a week to running, and it sounds like maybe I need to trade more for it.

Rookie, send it on over. princesschamberlain AT gmail DOT com. Thanks doll! No guarantees that I can succeed, though. My willpower is not my greatest strength...

Jen said...

Also, thanks Jesse. I'll talk to Alex about travel plans very soon.

Holly said...

How about a no treats diet? Don't buy or make any yummy foods and soon you'll be so bored of eating healthy food that you'd rather just not eat.

The Yoder's Three said...

I know I've told you this before, but high amounts of stress always make me lose my appetite. You need a good crisis on your hands.

Either that, or watch for extra calories in things that you drink. I've heard that this weight plateau thing really sucks. Good luck!

potsandpins said...

I personally like the nap-in-the-middle-of-the-day-diet...my lowest amount of will-power is between 3:00 5:00...and if Oprah has nothing good on then, when I'm trying to be "good" I'll take a short nap...phone off the hook, blinds closed and no one knows, well, now you do, but no one else. I doze/sleep thru what is normally my potato-chip-dip-binge-time...and then I'm okay...until ice cream time...it's such a battle! I would like to just go to sleep and wake up thin...but then I'd have to sleep for YEARS! xo, Nan

angela michelle said...

How about a diet wherein you eat whatever you want--but it has to be imaginary food served on your daughter's play tea set.

I actually got over a post-pregnancy plateau by wearing a pedometer. You can get them for just a few bucks. I guess there are studies that you walk more and lose weight just by wearing one. I'd try to get my count up by doing things like jogging in place while folding laundry.

Lori said...

You could eat Quiche for Q day and Zucchini for Z day, or go on a safari and find some Zebra meat. My mom has done a cabbage soup diet. That's all you eat for a week or something like that. Cabbage soup.