27 October 2009

Smug No More

For many years now I have been a little smug when I hear about people getting pulled over, ticketed, or accosted in any way by the police. I drive like a conservative old man, you see, and had never been pulled over in all my many driving days.

Let's go back. While I had my learner's permit, I was driving home in a stick-shift Nissan Sentra with my parents, when I had a small panic attack and nearly killed the three of us, as well as an innocently bystanding telephone pole. Luckily my genius father reached over and steered through my turn for me when I took my hands off of the steering wheel in fright while mid-turn to oncoming traffic.

This event lead me to my old-man driving ways. Sometimes I have cherished small daydreams about what it would be like to be pulled over. The lights would make my heartbeat intense, even worse because of my delicate condition. I would be speeding, naturally, driving myself to the hospital while in screaming, agonized labor, because Alex was in China shooting videos of tourists in the Forbidden City, and it couldn't be re-scheduled for something as trivial as the birth of our seventh child! The police officer would know instantly what to do and turn on his sirens and escort me to the hospital, relieved that he didn't have to deliver my child on the side of the road between here and Cedar City. I would not get a ticket, because of course, I was bringing a child into the world.

Aren't both of those stories more interesting than reality? My headlight was out, and Officer What-his-name was bored on a Sunday night? Yeah, I thought so, too. And I'm rather disenchanted that there was no blood, or birth, or at least breaking of the Law involved. I really need to live a little.


The Rookie said...

I hate the feeling of being pulled over. Especially when running late as it is. For a fix-it ticket. Yes, it doesn't seem to matter what I do--some light or blinker on my cars always seems to be out.

Have I mentioned that I rather love your new blog topper. Well I do. Consider it mentioned.

Tink said...

Be careful...sometimes those simple little "pulled-over-for-a-healight" moments become "warrants for arrest"! Talk about getting your heart rate up!

Kimi said...

Just for fun...you should drive 15 under the speed limit. I'm pretty sure that is against the law. And not entire dangerous. Sorta. Kinda.

Linz said...

I'd stick to the story. WEll, execpt for the impending birth. Kind hard to explain the lack of baby later.

Queen Elizabeth said...

In high school, I was in a car accident (we actually hydroplaned into a school bus that had our CLASSMATES in it - so embarrassing for a sophomore!) and I got to ride in an ambulance. WITHOUT the sirens on. It's not like I'm going to ride in one of those every day. Seriously? Who was it going to hurt?
I feel your pain.

Saddie said...

I've been pulled over twice for not having my license plate illuminated - LAME! The first time I was coming home from an astronomy lab after one in the morning. Boy was I glad (and a little angry) when the car that had been stalking me turned on its police flashers! Single girl, dark night, stalking car - that'll sure get the heart pumpin'! YIKES!

Mark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Yoders Four said...

If a police officer had seen the manner in which Mark was driving us to the hospital when I was in screaming, agonized labor last month, I'm SURE we would have gotten pulled over. On second thought, I wouldn't have allowed Mark to stop the car and we would have led the officer on a high speed chase all the way to Valley View, where I would have given birth alone while Mark was outside getting arrested. Yep, I can see why it was so good that we took the back roads.

Dansie Family said...

i actually did get pulled over while on the way to the hospital while in labor with eliza. and it was because my headlight was out.

msjvd said...

Wow, you were fortunate to have someone take the wheel. I was in a horrible car accident with my beloved dog Smedley.

It happened as I was driving home from taking Christmas Eve gruel to my great Aunt Griselda. She was living in a nursing home, having outlived her 14 husbands. She only ate gruel because she also outlived her teeth. But I loved her so! All Great Aunts SHOULD BE SO LOVED!

So I took Smedley and went off to visit her on Christmas Eve. As we made the return trip home, a family of giant wombats jumped out of a ten foot high snowbank as we were coming out of Thistle Canyon above Spanish Fork. I swerved to avoid hitting the wombats, which one should always do because they are a protected (and tasty!) species.

As I swerved, Smedley became so agitated that he sprang out the window and landed smack in garbage dumpster of that small drive-through fast food place. I watched with horror, and was so relieved when he popped back up, with a cast-off cheeseburger in mouth, wearing a dab of chili over his left ear. Whew!

But then, suddenly tragedy struck. Apparently, only moments before, the owners of the "Little Acorn" had begun a renovation at the place. They were replacing the sign from the pole above the parking lot. The crane was in place, removing the old sign which was shaped like a giant acorn that was now hanging precariously from the end of the crane, over Smedley's position in the garbage can.

Just just then, a bird flew by, landed on the sign and the chain on the crane carrying the sign broke, sending the giant acorn down... down... down on poor Smedley's head. My Smedley... felled by an acorn!

My only comfort is, he died with a smile and a quarter-pounder with double cheese and double bacon (or so I'm told) but he was locked in that steel dumpster for two days before the jaws of life could be hauled in from Panguitch to free his poor, innocent, maimed, cold, stiff body from its smelly coffin.

Or did I just imagine that because I don't like my neighbor's dog that they asked me to feed when they were out of town last week?

Heidi said...

You totally crack me up with your posts. Yea, my first ticket was at the bottom of my street as I let my child get out and ride his bike up the street while I followed behind so I make sure he doesn't stop at a friends house. Well the other child gets in the front seat and then I spot the cop in a driveway and then get pulled over and get a ticket for not having him in his booster seat. Pretty bold I think, wasn't so great!