I quit my job. I just typed I quilt my job, so I guess you know what I have been doing since I quit.
It was an enormous struggle to decide, and I was very upset with my dear Alex for about a week. That is probably the longest I have ever been upset at him, except when we were dating and I was angry at him for moping such a long time because I broke up with him. Who can blame him, though? We are MFEO, after all. Anyway, here are the reasons I quit:
When I got my job Alex had one job, and it was his own business with flexible hours. So he could watch our kids for half of the time I worked. He had applied at the college and not got any work from them, so ostensibly we were looking at continued self employment for probably at least a year.
Within about three or four weeks of my hire, the college called and offered him a class to teach. Then they called and offered another one. Then one of his clients asked him to work full time for them through September, as well as half-time after that.
With Alex's 2.5 full work load, we had to have the kids babysat every day until both of us got home from work. When we all arrived home, there was no delicious healthy food on the table waiting for our ravening tummies, and Alex began to fear major marital repercussions if we did not quit having low blood sugar together for an hour together every day.
He also felt that 20 hours a week was too long for the wee ones to be watched by non-parents. My mental jury is still out on that. Henry loved it like a play date, and Scott finally seems to have overcome what I thought was an unhealthy neediness for me due to my brief stint of working.
I still eventually want to work in a clinical setting. I was very upset that this, which I now feel was the right decision, had to come from poor Alex. It just violated my feminist sensibilities. If a man can change a diaper and wash a dish, a woman can have a part-time job (or any job, really).
I have come to terms with my feminist outrage now, and I am really enjoying being able to cook healthy food and help Grace with her homework. I think I even appreciate it more now that I had a break and realized just how valuable my work at home was and is.
Another thing I learned is that any job, even one you love and get paid for, has boring, repetitive parts that I would rather not do. But that is part of life and the human condition. Leaves fall down. If you want trees in your yard you have to rake them. We wear clothes and eat food. I have to wash dishes and do laundry unless I want to be naked and hungry.
I was again reminded of the importance of attitude. If I can have the attitude "make their day" at work, I can certainly do that a lot better at home with my children. I can take more pride in a clean kitchen and an efficient laundry system. Just because I have done it for so long and am sick of it, doesn't mean I can't let go of my whiny attitude and rock it.
So those are my new goals.
Keep the kitchen 72% cleaner than prior to when I worked.
Stay mindful and present with my children, so I can enjoy them while they are small and unfettered by the problems of teenagers or adults.
Quilt whenever I can squeeze it in.
Treat each day at home as the gift it is.