06 September 2012

The Adventures of Baldric and Rowena

Hello, and Welcome to the exciting adventures of Baldric and Rowena. Today we join our adventurers at the beginning of a thrilling quest!


Rowena: "What are we going to do today, Baldric?"

Baldric: "Today we will brave the terrors of ... Baby Mountain!"

sinister music

"But Baldric, no one has ever returned from Baby Mountain alive!"

more sinister music

Later. 

Our heroes begin their quest up the creepy peaks, pushing nobly through the dark, dense, foliage.

"Do you hear that, Baldric?"

Baldric felt the hair rise on the back of his neck.

"That's the cry of the wild baby, Rowena."

At that moment the rising sound clarified, and they understood the feral cry.

FEED US! FEED US! FEED US!

Rowena looked at Baldric in terror, but Baldric the Brave was not to be deterred.

"It's okay, Rowena. We are prepared. We will distract them with our trusty Fruit Snacks!"

Suddenly the cry was right on top of them. They were surrounded by screaming babies.

FEED US! FEED US! FEED US!

They quickly opened packages and flung unhealthy fruit snacks as fast as their nimble fingers could fly. "We want you babies to know that we don't endorse these fruit snacks in any way. They are merely a survival tool, and not for every day use," they bravely cried.

All at once, Baldric saw her, more beautiful and more terrible than he could ever have imagined.

THE ALPHA BABY!

None had gazed upon her pink cheeks and lived to tell the tale.

Would they survive? They did not know. They looked at one another. The two brave adventurers wondered if their exploits together were at an end.

"Maybe this is it, Rowena. Maybe today, we will be in the land where small boys sleep past eight in the morning, and kitchen floors always stay sparkling clean. Maybe today we will be in ... Parentdise."

In the moment where they feared all hope was lost, Rowena remembered it. Their secret weapon. The Golden Pacifier of RamenMa! She pulled her lucky talisman from deep inside her pack, and knelt before the Alpha Baby, gazing upon the ground rather than the glowing face.

The Alpha Baby picked it up, examined it, and plopped it in her mouth, accepting the offering.

Baldric gently picked her up in his arms. She cooed, and then slapped him across the face.

Will the adventurers survive her terrible cuteness? Will they live to see another day? Join us next time, for more Adventures of Rowena and Baldric.

6 comments:

The Stratton's said...

:)

Queen Elizabeth said...

Is this an announcement?

Jillybean said...

Parentdise! Hahahahaha!! Love it!
Evantually, they will all be in school and you can have a few quiet moments by yourself.

Jen said...

Not an announcement, for the record. We are currently in actuality underneath a mountain of babies, and waiting for them to grow a little before we add to the pile.

The Yoder's Four said...

"Parentdise" LOL!!!

sammygrace said...

So funny. Except that I'm about to embark on the baby mountain adventure myself---and your story made me nervous. I will have to remember your brave tactics of fruit snacks and pacifiers. Please keep us updated with your adventures so I will know how to brave baby mountain!