30 November 2012

When Nerds in Love Fight

Last night as I was preparing a delicious, warm dinner for my husband, he arrived home late from work. In his arms, what should I see but another terrarium, containing ANOTHER turtle.

People, we have a problem. My husband has an addiction, and he thinks I am willing to enable him. I am NOT willing to enable him on this. We now have one large Sulcata Tortoise living in our back yard and FOUR turtles in our house. That brings us to a total of five chelonians, one for each member of our family. Here is a little breakdown:

Violet, a shy yet saucy red-eared slider who was given to us by a certain Biologist relative who will remain nameless who works for the Division of Wildlife. By saucy I mean that she is not afraid to bite overly enthusiastic small children who try to hold her.

Pinky, short for Pinkerbell, a painted turtle that we adopted because "Honey, she was living in a bath tub!" Pinky also bites enthusiastic small children.

Rosey, a box turtle whom Grace named. Rosey was also graciously given to us by the certain Biologist who was told specifically that his daughter-in-law is done adopting turtles for the present time thank you very much. The certain Biologist and his son did not consult the Lady of the House on this one, because they decided it was the Lady's fault that Boxy (the box turtle before Rosey) escaped.

I will admit my fault on that one. If you want to keep a fast-crawling box turtle around, do not allow your four year old son to play with her and say, "Put her back in her pen when you are done," and then attend the other four kids you are babysitting for an hour before you follow up.

After we adopted Rosey to fill the hole left in Alex's heart by poor, poor Boxy, I told Alex and his Biologist that we are not accepting any more turtles at the present time.

Did my husband listen to me? Apparently not. Home Alex trotted yesterday, immediately regaling me with some sad story about how this poor turtle has an overgrown beak and her nails are growing up because of habitat and nutrition problems. Blah, blah, blah. The man is WEAK. He has been secretly trolling Craigslist, keeping himself open to these possibilities, with no thought for his wife or her feelings about the size of the room in which these turtles are housed.

Right now her name is Tina, but I am not in favor of that because I have a good friend from high school named Tina, and it just does not jive for me. 

Another thing that does not jive is Alex's comparison of my stashing quilting fabric to his obsession with stashing more and more turtles. I'm sorry but quilting fabric does not eat, does not do the other thing that results from eating, and does not produce odd smells which increase in volume with the yardage you purchase. 

I guess what I am really saying is that if that man comes to me with one more turtle and a line about how he "just knew there was one more turtle waiting to come to our family..." well, something bad will happen. And we are not talking about letting four-year-olds play with turtles and failing to follow up. I haven't decided what it will be, but I do have a very good imagination. I am determined that our family must not be outnumbered by pets!


Kate said...

Turtles! Not to take his side, but Neil and I have always dreamed of getting two turtles & calling them Tooty & Tortilla. We once missed an exit while driving because we were talking so excitedly about our future turtles.

I'm jealous.

The Yoder's Four said...


Diana said...

Soup recipes? Just start collecting them now.

The Stratton's said...

Fantastic! Haha...

Anonymous said...

lol! :)