07 February 2013
How I Met Your Father, Part 1
Mid 1990s: Our elementary schools fed into the same junior high school, and so at some point we were thrown together and became acquainted. I think it may have gone something like this:
Alex: "Hi, I'm Alex Chamberlain."
Me: "I know. You're Janelle's friend."
My friend Janelle fancied Alex's older brother, and I believe even exchanged some exciting notes with him in the halls. I'd like to point out that early in our relationship, it did not seem to bother Alex that I am an insufferable know-it-all. No, "It's nice to meet you, Alex. My name is Jenny," from me. Just, "Yes, I know." Because of course, I know everything. He is a patient man when it comes to me. For that, I am very grateful.
Our introduction was not that exciting the way I always imagined. I thought I would see some argyle sweatered intellectual across the room at some dance, and we would both sizzle with the secret electric knowledge of destiny. Nope, not Alex and me.
The other most exciting event of this period was this event, formerly known as Slave Day, but later changed to a more politically correct, "Maid" or "Butler" day.
1997: Late in our junior year, Alex sat me down to explain that he "like" liked me, and I responded, "The feeling is mutual." I am just laughing and laughing as I type this. If Alex had had his degree in psychotherapy he would have realized that he was dealing with someone who had deep commitment issues and could not even use the words "I" and "You" in the same sentence. Grammar, people! It holds all the secrets of the universe and answers to important questions, such as, "Why does this woman love to make me suffer in despondent confusion?" Sadly, I am the grammar nerd in our relationship, so it was not until seven or eight years later that poor suffering Alex's question would be answered by his emotionally bizarre lady.
1998: This was our senior year, and while we obediently did not date each other exclusively as seminary council members, there was still "mutual interest," including a group date in which I was warned by my best girlfriend, in advance, not to hog Alex's company.
In February, Alex used "I" and "You" in the same sentence with the word, perish forbid, "love," and I immediately broke up with him as quickly as possible, saying delicately, "You didn't think we were going to get married after your mission, did you?" Awkward pause. Oh. Whoops.
Later my dad informed me that I possibly should have been nicer to him.
Well, I have to go to the store now, so I guess this exciting post will have to be a series.